Sunday, May 24, 2026

Qurbani: A School of Nearness, Gratitude, and Surrender

Qurbani: A School of Nearness, Gratitude, and Surrender

السَّلَامُ عَلَيْكُمْ وَرَحْمَةُ اللَّهِ وَبَرَكَاتُهُ

Al-salāmu ʿalaykum wa-raḥmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.

بِسْمِ اللَّهِ الرَّحْمَٰنِ الرَّحِيمِ

Bismi-llāhi al-Raḥmāni al-Raḥīm.

إِنَّ الْحَمْدَ لِلَّهِ، نَحْمَدُهُ، وَنَسْتَعِينُهُ، وَنَسْتَغْفِرُهُ، وَنَعُوذُ بِاللَّهِ مِنْ شُرُورِ أَنْفُسِنَا، وَمِنْ سَيِّئَاتِ أَعْمَالِنَا. مَنْ يَهْدِهِ اللَّهُ فَلَا مُضِلَّ لَهُ، وَمَنْ يُضْلِلْ فَلَا هَادِيَ لَهُ.

Inna al-ḥamda li-llāh. Naḥmaduhu, wa-nastaʿīnuhu, wa-nastaghfiruhu, wa-naʿūdhu bi-llāhi min shurūri anfusinā, wa-min sayyiʾāti aʿmālinā. Man yahdihi-llāhu fa-lā muḍilla lahu, wa-man yuḍlil fa-lā hādiya lah.

وَأَشْهَدُ أَنْ لَا إِلَٰهَ إِلَّا اللَّهُ وَحْدَهُ لَا شَرِيكَ لَهُ، وَأَشْهَدُ أَنَّ سَيِّدَنَا مُحَمَّدًا عَبْدُهُ وَرَسُولُهُ.

Wa-ashhadu an lā ilāha illā-llāhu waḥdahu lā sharīka lah, wa-ashhadu anna Sayyidanā Muḥammadan ʿabduhu wa-rasūluh.

اللَّهُمَّ صَلِّ وَسَلِّمْ وَبَارِكْ عَلَىٰ سَيِّدِنَا مُحَمَّدٍ، وَعَلَىٰ آلِهِ وَأَصْحَابِهِ أَجْمَعِينَ.

Allāhumma ṣalli wa-sallim wa-bārik ʿalā Sayyidinā Muḥammadin, wa-ʿalā ālihi wa-aṣḥābihi ajmaʿīn.

أَمَّا بَعْدُ:

Ammā baʿd:

My dear brothers and sisters,

Qurbani Is a School

There are acts of worship that we explain too quickly. We name them, classify them, debate their conditions, and ask whether they are wājib or Sunnah. We ask whether one animal covers one person or one household.

All of that has its place. The law matters. Precision matters. Fiqh matters.

But some acts of worship are not only rules. They are schools. Qurbani is one of those schools.

It is a school of nearness, gratitude, restraint, feeding, family, and surrender. It teaches the hand to give, the tongue to remember, the body to wait, and the home to be generous. It teaches the ego that it is not the master.

Allah Most High gives the matter in one short command:

فَصَلِّ لِرَبِّكَ وَانْحَرْ

Fa-ṣalli li-rabbika wa-nḥar.

“So pray to your Lord and sacrifice.”

Sūrat al-Kawthar, 108:2

Look at the order: prayer first, sacrifice after—and both for your Lord.

Not for culture. Not for pressure. Not for display, family pride, or the annual theater of who bought what. Not for the market of religious self-importance.

For Allah.

Three Words, Three Meanings

Words carry light when we understand them.

Uḍḥiyah: The Sacrifice of the Eid Morning

The more precise Arabic word for the Eid sacrifice is uḍḥiyahأُضْحِيَةٌ. It is connected to ḍuḥā, the bright morning, because the sacrifice belongs to the day of Eid after the prayer, in the light of morning.

That itself is a lesson. This worship is not hidden in darkness. It is performed after ṣalāh, with the Name of Allah, while food moves from one hand to another: to family, neighbors, the needy, and the forgotten.

Qurbani: An Attempt at Nearness

Then there is qurbani. This is the Persian-Urdu word many of us grew up with, but it comes from the Arabic root of qurb—nearness. Qurbani, therefore, is not merely slaughter. It is an attempt at nearness.

Nearness to Allah through obedience. Nearness to the poor through feeding. Nearness to the Sunnah through following. Nearness to Ibrahim عَلَيْهِ السَّلَامُ through surrender. Nearness to Rasoolullah ﷺ through love.

Hady: An Offering Toward the Sacred Rites

Then there is hadyالْهَدْيُ. Hady is the sacrificial offering connected especially to Hajj and ʿUmrah. It is not exactly the same as the Eid uḍḥiyah. It carries the meaning of an offering sent toward the sacred rites.

These three words teach us three shades of meaning. Uḍḥiyah reminds us of the Eid morning. Qurbani reminds us of nearness. Hady reminds us of the sacred offering connected to Hajj.

Words matter. When a community loses the meanings of its words, it may keep the action but lose the light within it.

The Name of Allah Is the Center

Allah says in Sūrat al-Ḥajj that He appointed for every community a sacrificial rite so that its people might mention the Name of Allah over what He had provided for them (22:34).

So the animal is not the center. The Name of Allah is the center.

The provision is from Allah. The life is from Allah. The permission is from Allah. The gratitude returns to Allah.

Then Allah says:

فَكُلُوا مِنْهَا وَأَطْعِمُوا

Fa-kulū minhā wa-aṭʿimū.

“Eat from it and feed.”

Sūrat al-Ḥajj, 22:36 (quoted portion)

This is the balance of Islam: eat and feed; remember and share; worship and serve; be grateful and be generous.

Some people turn religion into private feeling only. Others turn it into public display only. The Qur’an refuses both.

Eat. Feed. Remember Allah. Be grateful.

Then Allah gives the deepest correction:

لَنْ يَنَالَ اللَّهَ لُحُومُهَا وَلَا دِمَاؤُهَا وَلَٰكِنْ يَنَالُهُ التَّقْوَىٰ مِنْكُمْ

Lan yanāla-llāha luḥūmuhā wa-lā dimāʾuhā wa-lākin yanāluhu al-taqwā minkum.

“Their meat will not reach Allah, nor will their blood, but what reaches Him is your taqwa.”

Sūrat al-Ḥajj, 22:37 (quoted portion)

This verse should be written over every Eid market, every butcher’s shop, every family discussion, and every WhatsApp group in which qurbani becomes status.

The meat does not reach Allah. The blood does not reach Allah. The price does not reach Allah. The Instagram post does not reach Allah. The family comparison does not reach Allah.

Your taqwa reaches Him.

This does not make the sacrifice small. It saves the sacrifice from being misunderstood. The act matters, but the act must carry servitude to Allah.

The Prophetic Practice: Mercy Without Burden

Rasoolullah ﷺ sacrificed. Sayyiduna Anas ibn Mālik رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهُ narrated that the Prophet ﷺ sacrificed two horned, light-colored rams. He mentioned the Name of Allah, pronounced the takbīr, and slaughtered them with his own blessed hand.

Narrated in Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī 5558 and 5565.

In our South Asian languages, many say dumba or domba. The Prophetic Arabic wording is kabsh—a ram. Two rams are kabshayn.

Why did the Prophet ﷺ sacrifice two? Not because every household must slaughter two. That would be to misunderstand the Sunnah. The reports are commonly explained as including his blessed household in one offering and his Ummah in the other.

In the beautiful duʿā narrated in the reports, he said:

بِسْمِ اللَّهِ، اللَّهُمَّ تَقَبَّلْ مِنْ مُحَمَّدٍ، وَآلِ مُحَمَّدٍ، وَمِنْ أُمَّةِ مُحَمَّدٍ

Bismi-llāh. Allāhumma taqabbal min Muḥammadin, wa-āli Muḥammadin, wa-min ummati Muḥammadin.

“In the Name of Allah. O Allah, accept from Muhammad, the family of Muhammad, and the Ummah of Muhammad.”

Narrated by ʿĀʾishah; Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim 1967.

This is love. Rasoolullah ﷺ did not forget to include his Ummah at the moment of sacrifice. This is shafāʿah (شَفَاعَةٌ): joining us in his devotion. His worship was not individualism. His nearness included others. His qurbani carried mercy.

The Prophet ﷺ was teaching us that the head of a home worships with the family in mind, and the leader of an Ummah worships with the people in mind.

But the ordinary household does not need two rams to imitate him. The lesson is not luxury. The lesson is mercy.

Sayyiduna Abu Ayyub al-Ansari رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهُ was asked how qurbani was performed in the time of Rasoolullah ﷺ. He said that a man would sacrifice one sheep for himself and the people of his household; they would eat from it and feed others.

Jāmiʿ al-Tirmidhī 1505; graded ḥasan ṣaḥīḥ by al-Tirmidhī.

That is the balance. Do not make the Sunnah small. Do not make it burdensome either.

Prayer First, Then Sacrifice

The Sunnah order of Eid is clear: pray first, then slaughter.

The Prophet ﷺ said that whoever slaughtered before the Eid prayer should slaughter another animal in its place. This teaches us that good intention alone is not enough.

Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī 5561–5562.

The first act of Eid al-Adha is not meat. The first act is ṣalāh. Then comes sacrifice. Then eating. Then feeding. Even appetite is trained.

On Eid al-Fitr, we eat before prayer to show that Ramadan has ended and that fasting on that day is not permitted. On Eid al-Adha, the day begins with worship, and then the table opens.

The body learns: I do not eat first. I worship first.

This is character training. This is how Islam educates the whole human being: the mind, heart, hand, tongue, stomach, family, and community.

The Ten Days Before the Sacrifice

Qurbani is not an isolated event. It is the crown of the first ten days of Dhul Hijjah.

Allah swears by the ten nights:

وَلَيَالٍ عَشْرٍ

Wa-layālin ʿashr.

“By the ten nights.”

Sūrat al-Fajr, 89:2 (quoted portion)

Many early scholars understood these to be the first ten nights of Dhul Hijjah. These are not ordinary days. In them, ordinary deeds become weighty: prayer, charity, dhikr, fasting, service, repentance, and kindness.

For the virtue of good deeds in these ten days, see Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī 969.

So do not reduce Dhul Hijjah to the animal.

The animal is the public sign at the end, but the ten days are the private training before the sign. Before the qurbani of the animal, there must be the qurbani of the ego. Before the meat is divided, the heart must be softened.

Before the knife is lifted, the tongue must say:

اللَّهُ أَكْبَرُ
لَا إِلَٰهَ إِلَّا اللَّهُ
الْحَمْدُ لِلَّهِ

Allāhu akbar.
Lā ilāha illā-llāh.
Al-ḥamdu li-llāh.

The house should hear takbīr. The children should hear takbīr. The kitchen, the car, and the road should hear takbīr. The heart should hear takbīr. The ego should hear takbīr until it finally learns that Allah is greater.

Greater than wealth. Greater than appetite. Greater than pride, family pressure, and the desire to be seen.

A Quiet Sunnah of Restraint

For the person who intends to offer the sacrifice, there is also a quieter Prophetic instruction: when Dhul Hijjah begins, that person holds back from cutting their hair and nails until the sacrifice is offered.

Narrated by Umm Salamah; Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim 1977d and parallel narrations.

This is a small act, but it carries meaning.

The person is not in iḥrām and is not in Makkah or standing on Arafah. They may be at home, at work, in school, or within the ordinary routine of life. Yet even their hair and nails enter into a quiet solidarity with the season of Hajj.

Islam teaches through great acts and small acts: through ṣalāh and sacrifice; fasting and feeding; words and silence; giving and waiting.

The Gift of Yawm Arafah

The fast of Yawm Arafah for the person not performing Hajj is one of the great gifts of these days. The Prophet ﷺ taught that fasting the Day of Arafah expiates the sins of the previous year and the coming year.

Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim 1162b.

One day. Two years of mercy.

But do not make fasting mechanical. Fasting is not a coin dropped into a machine of reward. It is hunger that teaches need, restraint that teaches mastery, and silence in the body so the soul can hear.

The person who fasts Arafah should emerge softer: more repentant, grateful, merciful, and aware that Allah’s mercy is wider than our small record of deeds.

One Person or One Household?

Now we come to the question that returns every year: Is qurbani required from every adult, or is one qurbani enough for a household?

This question must be answered with knowledge and adab. There are two defensible fiqh models.

The Hanafi Model: An Individual Duty for Each Eligible Adult

In the Hanafi school, qurbani is wājib upon each eligible person: a Muslim who is mature, sane, resident, and financially able—someone who owns nisāb-level surplus wealth beyond basic needs and debts.

Under this view, the obligation is individual.

If the husband has nisāb and the wife does not, the husband gives one qurbani. If both husband and wife have nisāb, each has a duty. If an adult son living with his parents has nisāb, he has his own qurbani duty. If an adult daughter has wealth above nisāb, she has her own duty.

In this view, the kitchen does not decide the obligation. One kitchen, two kitchens, the same table, or different tables may describe family life, but they do not decide the legal duty in Hanafi fiqh. The legal question is: who is individually eligible?

One sheep or goat counts as one person’s qurbani. A cow or camel may be shared in as many as seven valid shares. A father, husband, son, or another family member may pay for someone else, but the intention should be clear: this is the qurbani of that person.

So when people say, “Every adult must give qurbani,” the more careful wording is: every eligible adult who meets the conditions. A careless sentence can burden the poor. A precise sentence protects the mercy of the Shariʿah.

The Majority Model: One Uḍḥiyah for a Genuine Household

In the well-known positions of the Maliki, Shafiʿi, and Hanbali schools, uḍḥiyah is a strongly emphasized Sunnah, not an individual wājib upon every eligible adult in the same way.

Under this view, one uḍḥiyah may cover a genuine household when the intention includes them.

This is supported by the report of Abu Ayyub al-Ansari رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهُ, who described how, in the time of Rasoolullah ﷺ, a man would sacrifice a sheep for himself and the people of his household; they would eat from it and feed others.

This view is also supported by the Prophet’s own duʿā over his sacrifice, in which he asked Allah to accept from Muhammad ﷺ, the family of Muhammad ﷺ, and the Ummah of Muhammad ﷺ.

So the majority approach is not laziness, neglect, or an attempt to avoid worship. It is a valid fiqh model with its own evidences.

What Is a Household?

This is where people must be wise.

A household is not only a surname, one building, or a group of people who gather on Eid. It has signs: shared maintenance, meals, responsibility, domestic life, care, and intention.

This is why people often speak about a separate kitchen. A separate kitchen is not a universal classical legal rule.

The stove is not the Shariʿah. But the stove can be a sign.

A separate kitchen may point to separate expenses, family management, meals, and household responsibility.

Under the Hanafi view, the kitchen test should not decide the matter; count eligible adults. Under the majority view, the kitchen may help reveal whether there is one genuine household or two separate households.

If two married brothers live in the same building but each has his own budget, cooking, expenses, and family management, then under the majority view it is better to treat them as two households. Each household should offer its own uḍḥiyah if able. Under the Hanafi view, count the eligible adults individually.

If a father supports his wife, children, and dependent parents in one home, and they live as one domestic unit, then under the majority approach one uḍḥiyah can cover the household Sunnah if intended for them. Under the Hanafi approach, each adult who independently owns nisāb has a separate duty.

If a wife has her own wealth above nisāb, then in Hanafi fiqh she has her own qurbani duty. Under the majority view, the household uḍḥiyah can cover the household Sunnah if she is included in the intention, though she may offer her own if she is able and wishes to draw nearer to Allah.

If adult earning children remain genuinely part of the same domestic household, the majority view can allow one uḍḥiyah for the household. If they run independent expenses and their own household life, separate uḍḥiyah is more fitting. Under the Hanafi view, each adult child with nisāb gives separately.

Difference Without Cruelty

My dear brothers and sisters, this is not a place for fighting. It is a place for taqwa.

To follow the Hanafi school is not harshness. To follow the majority position is not laziness. Both have evidence. Both have scholars. Both have principles.

Truth requires knowledge. Beauty requires adab. Goodness requires mercy.

The Shariʿah was not sent to make worship ugly. The Sunnah was not sent to make families bitter. Qurbani was not given so that Eid would become an audit of who paid and who did not.

I believe our communities must stop turning Sunnah into pressure, pressure into culture, culture into competition, and competition into silent cruelty toward those who cannot afford to keep up.

Look at the wisdom of the Rightly Guided Caliphs. They preserved the Eid order: prayer first, khutbah after. It is also reported that Sayyiduna Abu Bakr and Sayyiduna Umar رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهُمَا were careful not to let people confuse Sunnah with farḍ; on some occasions, they did not offer the sacrifice lest people assume that it was obligatory.

Reported by al-Bayhaqī from Ḥudhayfah ibn Usayd; also discussed by al-Nawawī in al-Majmūʿ.

This is leadership. Sometimes a leader teaches by doing; sometimes a leader teaches by preventing confusion. They understood people. They knew that public religious acts can be misunderstood when performed by those in authority. So they guarded the Ummah.

This is a lesson for parents, teachers, imams, community leaders, and heads of households. Do not use your religious seriousness to crush people. Do not use your wealth to shame people. Do not use your knowledge to win arguments. Use it to bring people nearer to Allah.

The School of Ibrahim

The sacrifice of Eid is tied to Ibrahim عَلَيْهِ السَّلَامُ. Why?

Because Ibrahim عَلَيْهِ السَّلَامُ obeyed when obedience tore through the heart.

Allah did not need the blood. Allah did not need the meat. Allah wanted surrender.

Ibrahim عَلَيْهِ السَّلَامُ placed Allah above what was most beloved. Ismaʿil عَلَيْهِ السَّلَامُ responded with submission. A family became a sign for the whole Ummah.

Most of us are not being asked to place our dearest human love on an altar. But we are being asked a smaller version of the same question:

Can you give up something? Can you obey before you fully understand? Can you place Allah above appetite, wealth, pride, display, and the need to be seen?

Can you let your worship feed someone else? Can you remember that the meat does not reach Allah—and that the taqwa does?

What Our Children Should See

Let qurbani teach our children. Let them see that Islam is not only rules memorized, but character lived. Let them see adults give without showing off, food shared with dignity, and scholars respected even when they differ. Let them see family decisions made calmly, the poor honored rather than treated as an afterthought, and Eid understood not only as clothes and food, but as worship, service, and gratitude.

A child who sees qurbani properly learns many things at once.

The child learns that Allah provides and that wealth must move. The child learns that meat is not wasted and that animals are not toys. The child learns that sacrifice is not cruelty, but worship under the Name and permission of Allah. The child learns that the poor have a right to joy and that the family table should have room for others.

This is how Islam builds the whole child: truth in the mind, beauty in the soul, goodness in the hand.

A Simple Order for Practice

The simple order is this:

  • Enter the ten days with seriousness.
  • If you intend to offer the sacrifice, hold back from cutting your hair and nails until it is done.
  • Increase good deeds. Fast if you can, especially on Arafah if you are not performing Hajj.
  • Fill the house with takbīr, taḥmīd, and tahlīl.
  • On Eid, pray first. Do not rush the sacrifice before the prayer.
  • Slaughter in the Name of Allah. Say Allāhu akbar.
  • Eat from it and feed others.

Do not turn it into display. Do not turn it into a burden. Do not turn it into a meat festival without remembrance or a legal argument without beauty.

For a Hanafi household, the safer and school-consistent answer is that each nisāb-owning eligible adult gives a separate qurbani or a separate valid share.

For those following the majority position, one uḍḥiyah for a genuine household is valid, and separate financially independent family units should each offer their own if able.

For mixed families and mixed communities, speak with gentleness.

Follow your madhhab consistently. Respect those who follow another valid view. For those who can afford it without harm, giving one share per eligible adult is a cautious route that satisfies all views—but let it be done with humility, not superiority.

Because Allah does not need our meat.

Allah wants our taqwa.

أَقُولُ قَوْلِي هَذَا، وَأَسْتَغْفِرُ اللَّهَ لِي وَلَكُمْ، فَاسْتَغْفِرُوهُ، إِنَّهُ هُوَ الْغَفُورُ الرَّحِيمُ.

Aqūlu qawlī hādhā, wa-astaghfiru-llāha lī wa-lakum, fa-staghfirūhu, innahu huwa al-Ghafūru al-Raḥīm.

Second Khutbah: The Sacrifice of the Ego

الْحَمْدُ لِلَّهِ رَبِّ الْعَالَمِينَ، وَالصَّلَاةُ وَالسَّلَامُ عَلَىٰ سَيِّدِنَا مُحَمَّدٍ، وَعَلَىٰ آلِهِ وَصَحْبِهِ أَجْمَعِينَ.

Al-ḥamdu li-llāhi Rabbi al-ʿālamīn, wa-l-ṣalātu wa-l-salāmu ʿalā Sayyidinā Muḥammadin, wa-ʿalā ālihi wa-ṣaḥbihi ajmaʿīn.

My dear brothers and sisters,

The animal is sacrificed once. But the ego must be sacrificed again and again.

The qurbani of the tongue is to sacrifice harsh speech. The qurbani of the ego is to sacrifice the need to win every argument. The qurbani of wealth is to give for Allah without display. The qurbani of the home is to bring mercy where there was tension. The qurbani of the community is to feed the needy and preserve brotherhood.

Sacrifice arrogance. Sacrifice stinginess. Sacrifice envy. Sacrifice anger that burns the home. Sacrifice the habit of judging others before judging yourself. Sacrifice the need to appear religious while forgetting to be kind.

When we buy the animal, let it be with ḥalāl earnings. When we make the intention, let it be for Allah alone. When we divide the meat, let the poor have a share. When we speak to our families, let mercy have a share. When we teach our children, let meaning have a share.

Do not reduce qurbani to meat distribution. Make it a lesson in life.

Let the home learn gratitude. Let the child learn generosity. Let the wealthy learn humility. Let the poor be honored. Let the community learn adab. Let the heart learn nearness.

The Qur’an says:

لَنْ يَنَالَ اللَّهَ لُحُومُهَا وَلَا دِمَاؤُهَا وَلَٰكِنْ يَنَالُهُ التَّقْوَىٰ مِنْكُمْ

Lan yanāla-llāha luḥūmuhā wa-lā dimāʾuhā wa-lākin yanāluhu al-taqwā minkum.

“Their meat will not reach Allah, nor will their blood, but what reaches Him is your taqwa.”

Sūrat al-Ḥajj, 22:37 (quoted portion)

That is the heart of the matter. Everything else is arrangement.

May Allah make these days days of repentance, generosity, remembrance, and nearness.

May Allah accept our prayer, sacrifice, fasting, feeding, and restraint.

May Allah reward those who offer qurbani.

May Allah reward those who wish to offer but cannot afford it.

May Allah protect the poor from shame and the wealthy from pride.

May Allah place love between husbands and wives, parents and children, brothers and sisters.

May Allah guide us to follow the scholars with adab and to worship Him with sincerity.

May Allah save us from religious vanity and give us the quiet taqwa that reaches Him.

اللَّهُمَّ تَقَبَّلْ مِنَّا إِنَّكَ أَنْتَ السَّمِيعُ الْعَلِيمُ.
اللَّهُمَّ اجْعَلْنَا مِنَ الْمُتَّقِينَ.
اللَّهُمَّ أَصْلِحْ بُيُوتَنَا، وَأَصْلِحْ قُلُوبَنَا، وَأَصْلِحْ أُمَّتَنَا.
اللَّهُمَّ ارْزُقْنَا صِدْقَ إِبْرَاهِيمَ، وَتَسْلِيمَ إِسْمَاعِيلَ، وَرَحْمَةَ مُحَمَّدٍ ﷺ.
اللَّهُمَّ اجْعَلْ قُرْبَانَنَا قُرْبًا إِلَيْكَ، وَاجْعَلْ أَعْمَالَنَا خَالِصَةً لِوَجْهِكَ الْكَرِيمِ.

Allāhumma taqabbal minnā, innaka anta al-Samīʿu al-ʿAlīm.
Allāhumma ijʿalnā mina al-muttaqīn.
Allāhumma aṣliḥ buyūtanā, wa-aṣliḥ qulūbanā, wa-aṣliḥ ummatanā.
Allāhumma urzuqnā ṣidqa Ibrāhīm, wa-taslīma Ismāʿīl, wa-raḥmata Muḥammadin ﷺ.
Allāhumma ijʿal qurbānanā qurban ilayka, wa-ijʿal aʿmālanā khāliṣatan li-wajhika al-karīm.

رَبَّنَا تَقَبَّلْ مِنَّا إِنَّكَ أَنْتَ السَّمِيعُ الْعَلِيمُ، وَتُبْ عَلَيْنَا إِنَّكَ أَنْتَ التَّوَّابُ الرَّحِيمُ.

Rabbanā taqabbal minnā, innaka anta al-Samīʿu al-ʿAlīm; wa-tub ʿalaynā, innaka anta al-Tawwābu al-Raḥīm.

“Our Lord, accept from us. Indeed, You alone are the All-Hearing, All-Knowing. And turn to us in mercy. Indeed, You alone are the Accepter of Repentance, the Most Merciful.”

From Sūrat al-Baqarah, 2:127–128

وَصَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَىٰ سَيِّدِنَا مُحَمَّدٍ، وَعَلَىٰ آلِهِ وَصَحْبِهِ أَجْمَعِينَ.

Wa-ṣallā-llāhu ʿalā Sayyidinā Muḥammadin, wa-ʿalā ālihi wa-ṣaḥbihi ajmaʿīn.

آمِينَ.

Āmīn.

As Often as You Want Allah to Forgive You


My dear readers,
السَّلَامُ عَلَيْكُمْ وَرَحْمَةُ اللَّهِ وَبَرَكَاتُهُ
Al-salāmu ʿalaykum wa-raḥmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
May the peace, mercy, and blessings of Allah be upon you.
بِسْمِ اللَّهِ الرَّحْمَٰنِ الرَّحِيمِ
Bismi Allāhi al-Raḥmāni al-Raḥīm.
الْحَمْدُ لِلَّهِ نَحْمَدُهُ، وَنَسْتَعِينُهُ، وَنَسْتَغْفِرُهُ، وَنَعُوذُ بِاللَّهِ مِنْ شُرُورِ أَنْفُسِنَا، وَمِنْ سَيِّئَاتِ أَعْمَالِنَا. مَنْ يَهْدِهِ اللَّهُ فَلَا مُضِلَّ لَهُ، وَمَنْ يُضْلِلْ فَلَا هَادِيَ لَهُ. وَأَشْهَدُ أَنْ لَا إِلَٰهَ إِلَّا اللَّهُ وَحْدَهُ لَا شَرِيكَ لَهُ، وَأَشْهَدُ أَنَّ مُحَمَّدًا عَبْدُهُ وَرَسُولُهُ.
Al-ḥamdu lillāhi naḥmaduhu, wa-nastaʿīnuhu, wa-nastaghfiruhu, wa-naʿūdhu bi-llāhi min shurūri anfusinā wa-min sayyiʾāti aʿmālinā. Man yahdihi Allāhu fa-lā muḍilla lahu, wa-man yuḍlil fa-lā hādiya lahu. Wa-ashhadu an lā ilāha illā Allāhu waḥdahu lā sharīka lahu, wa-ashhadu anna Muḥammadan ʿabduhu wa-rasūluh.
أَمَّا بَعْدُ:
Ammā baʿd.

The Sentence That Became a Mirror

There are certain sentences that do not leave us. We hear many words in life. Some are forgotten before the day ends. Some remain for a week. Some become part of our inner weather. But a few enter the heart and remain there as a mirror.

My late Shaykh would often advise us—my wife and I among others—to forgive all people. He would remind us of the practice associated with Ḥaḍrat Khwāja Awais al-Qarnī رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهُ: not to go to sleep while carrying resentment against the creation of Allah.

Let me be careful here, because carelessness in religious speech is not piety. I am not presenting this nightly practice as a Prophetic hadith. I am telling you what my Shaykh taught us as a spiritual practice. As for the rank of Awais al-Qarnī رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهُ, that is established in Sahih Muslim, where Rasoolullah ﷺ spoke of him and said:

لَوْ أَقْسَمَ عَلَى اللَّهِ لَأَبَرَّهُ، فَإِنِ اسْتَطَعْتَ أَنْ يَسْتَغْفِرَ لَكَ فَافْعَلْ
Law aqsama ʿalā Allāhi la-abarrahu; fa-in istaṭaʿta an yastaghfira laka fa-fʿal.
“If he were to take an oath by Allah, Allah would fulfil it for him; so if you are able to ask him to seek forgiveness for you, then do so.”

The lesson is not built on exaggeration. It rests on a sound truth: the people of Allah did not make their hearts into narrow prisons. They did not spend each night polishing their grievances or build their identities around being wronged. They lived with Allah, and because they lived with Allah, they learned to release people to Allah.

One day, half-joking and half-complaining, I asked my Shaykh, “How often should we forgive others, especially those who frequently wrong us?”

He became solemn. Then he replied with words that still give my wife and me goosebumps:

“As often as you want Allah to forgive you.”

This was not a clever answer or a slogan but a direct, life-changing lesson from the Qur'an itself:

وَلَا يَأْتَلِ أُو۟لُوا۟ ٱلْفَضْلِ مِنكُمْ وَٱلسَّعَةِ أَن يُؤْتُوٓا۟ أُو۟لِى ٱلْقُرْبَىٰ وَٱلْمَسَـٰكِينَ وَٱلْمُهَـٰجِرِينَ فِى سَبِيلِ ٱللَّهِ ۖ وَلْيَعْفُوا۟ وَلْيَصْفَحُوٓا۟ ۗ أَلَا تُحِبُّونَ أَن يَغْفِرَ ٱللَّهُ لَكُمْ ۗ وَٱللَّهُ غَفُورٌۭ رَّحِيمٌ
Wa-lā yaʾtali ulū al-faḍli minkum wa-l-saʿati an yuʾtū ulī al-qurbā wa-l-masākīna wa-l-muhājirīna fī sabīli Allāh; wa-l-yaʿfū wa-l-yaṣfaḥū. A-lā tuḥibbūna an yaghfira Allāhu lakum? Wa-Allāhu ghafūrun raḥīm.
“Let them pardon and overlook. Do you not love that Allah should forgive you? And Allah is All-Forgiving, Most Merciful.”

This verse is an ocean.

Allah does not merely command forgiveness. He asks a question that should unsettle every heart: Do you not love that Allah should forgive you?

Of course we do.

We want Allah to forgive the sins no one else knows. We want Allah to forgive the sins we ourselves cannot bear to remember. We want Allah to forgive the sins we repeated after promising never to repeat them. We want Allah to forgive the coldness, the arrogance, the sharp words, the hidden envy, the laziness in worship, the private disobedience, the public image, and the thoughts we would be ashamed for people to see.

Then how can I ask Allah for endless forgiveness while measuring forgiveness to others with a trembling scale? How can I say, “Yā Allah, forgive me again,” while saying of another servant of Allah, “I will never forgive them”?

The First Mirror: “I Am Only Human”

My dear brothers and sisters,

There is a sentence we hear often: “I am only human.”

Sometimes it is said with humility. A person slips, feels shame, and says, “I am only human,” meaning: I am weak, I need tawbah, and I must repair what I have broken. That is a good use of the sentence.

But sometimes it is used differently. A person becomes angry, wounds someone, refuses to apologize, keeps resentment alive, and then says, “I am only human,” as though being human were a permission slip for harshness. That is not a good use of the sentence.

To be human is not to be excused from character. To be human is to be invited into character.

وَلَقَدْ كَرَّمْنَا بَنِىٓ ءَادَمَ وَحَمَلْنَـٰهُمْ فِى ٱلْبَرِّ وَٱلْبَحْرِ وَرَزَقْنَـٰهُم مِّنَ ٱلطَّيِّبَـٰتِ وَفَضَّلْنَـٰهُمْ عَلَىٰ كَثِيرٍۢ مِّمَّنْ خَلَقْنَا تَفْضِيلًۭا
Wa-laqad karramnā banī Ādama wa-ḥamalnāhum fī al-barri wa-l-baḥri wa-razaqnāhum mina al-ṭayyibāti wa-faḍḍalnāhum ʿalā kathīrin mimman khalaqnā tafḍīlā.
“We have certainly honoured the children of Adam…”

Humanity begins with karāmah—honor. But the Qur’an is also honest:

يُرِيدُ ٱللَّهُ أَن يُخَفِّفَ عَنكُمْ ۚ وَخُلِقَ ٱلْإِنسَـٰنُ ضَعِيفًۭا
Yurīdu Allāhu an yukhaffifa ʿankum; wa-khuliqa al-insānu ḍaʿīfā.
“Allah intends to lighten for you, and the human being was created weak.”

And Allah says:

إِنَّ ٱلْإِنسَـٰنَ خُلِقَ هَلُوعًا
Inna al-insāna khuliqa halūʿā.
“Indeed, the human being was created restless and anxious.”

This is not an insult. It is a diagnosis.

The Qur’an is telling us: know your material. Know your weakness, haste, fear, and anger. Know your nafs when it begins to behave as though it were self-sufficient.

But a diagnosis is not an excuse. It is the beginning of treatment. When someone says, “I am only human,” the Qur’an replies: yes—and because you are human, you must seek Allah, restrain the nafs, soften the heart, repent, forgive, and remember.

The Word الْإِنْسَانُal-Insān

The Arabic word for the human being is الْإِنْسَانُal-insān. It is a word full of tenderness and warning.

The scholars of Arabic discussed its roots and shades. Some connected it to الْإِنْسُal-ins, human beings, especially as distinct from الْجِنُّal-jinn, the hidden beings. Some connected it to الْأُنْسُal-uns, companionship, familiarity, and warmth—the opposite of estrangement and loneliness. Classical works also discuss the explanation that الْإِنْسَانُ is connected to النِّسْيَانُal-nisyān, forgetfulness—and mention the statement attributed to Ibn ʿAbbās رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهُمَا: “The human being was called insān because he was entrusted with a covenant, then he forgot.” Lisān al-ʿArab discusses these shades, including the relation of insān to insiyān and the meaning of uns as the opposite of waḥshah.

This distinction matters. Beautiful meanings do not need to be forced into the highest category to be useful. Qur’an is Qur’an. Sound hadith is sound hadith. Linguistic reflection is linguistic reflection. Wisdom has ranks.

But as a reflection, this is powerful. The human being stands between uns and nisyān. He is made for warmth, but he forgets. She longs for love, but forgets to forgive. We want mercy for ourselves, but forget to give it to others.

The Qur’an says of Sayyiduna Adam عَلَيْهِ السَّلَامُ:

وَلَقَدْ عَهِدْنَآ إِلَىٰٓ ءَادَمَ مِن قَبْلُ فَنَسِىَ وَلَمْ نَجِدْ لَهُۥ عَزْمًۭا
Wa-laqad ʿahidnā ilā Ādama min qablu fa-nasiya wa-lam najid lahu ʿazmā.
“We had already made a covenant with Adam before, but he forgot, and We did not find firm resolve in him.”

This is the great human story. We are given a trust, and we forget. We are shown mercy, and we forget to show mercy. We are forgiven, and we forget to forgive. We are loved by Allah beyond measure, and we forget how to love His creation.

So the human being needs dhikr: reminder and remembrance. To be human is not never to forget. To be human is to return when we forget.

Rasoolullah ﷺ and the True Meaning of Being Human

Rasoolullah ﷺ once forgot in prayer. When he was reminded, he said:

إِنَّهُ لَوْ حَدَثَ فِي الصَّلَاةِ شَيْءٌ لَنَبَّأْتُكُمْ بِهِ، وَلَكِنْ إِنَّمَا أَنَا بَشَرٌ مِثْلُكُمْ، أَنْسَى كَمَا تَنْسَوْنَ، فَإِذَا نَسِيتُ فَذَكِّرُونِي
Innahu law ḥadatha fī al-ṣalāti shayʾun la-nabbaʾtukum bihi, wa-lākin innamā anā basharun mithlukum, ansā kamā tansawn; fa-idhā nasītu fa-dhakkirūnī.
“If anything had changed in the prayer, I would have informed you. But I am only a human being like you. I forget as you forget. So when I forget, remind me.”

How beautiful this is.

The Prophet ﷺ did not use being human as a shield against correction. He did not say, “I am human, so do not remind me.” He said, “If I forget, remind me.”

This should change how we use the phrase “I am only human.” In the Prophetic way, being human means being able to accept a reminder, refusing arrogance when corrected, and repairing what was missed. When we say, “I am only human,” it should mean:

I can make a mistake, yes. But I can apologize. I can forget, yes. But I can remember. I can become angry, yes. But I can restrain my anger. I can be hurt, yes. But I can ask Allah to purify the wound.

Worship Enters the Wound

وَمَا خَلَقْتُ ٱلْجِنَّ وَٱلْإِنسَ إِلَّا لِيَعْبُدُونِ
Wa-mā khalaqtu al-jinna wa-l-insa illā li-yaʿbudūn.
“I did not create jinn and humans except to worship Me.”

Worship is not only prayer on the mat, though prayer is essential. Worship is not only fasting, zakah, hajj, Qur’an, dhikr, and duʿā, though these are pillars and lights.

Worship also enters the voice. Worship enters the face. Worship enters the home, the classroom, the family gathering, and the WhatsApp message. Worship enters the moment when someone has offended us and the nafs is asking permission to become ugly.

Allah explained the nature of Rasoolullah ﷺ by saying:

وَإِنَّكَ لَعَلَىٰ خُلُقٍ عَظِيمٍۢ
Wa-innaka la-ʿalā khuluqin ʿaẓīm.
“And truly, you are upon great character.”

And it is narrated:

لَمْ يَكُنْ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ ﷺ فَاحِشًا وَلَا مُتَفَحِّشًا، وَإِنَّهُ كَانَ يَقُولُ: «إِنَّ خِيَارَكُمْ أَحَاسِنُكُمْ أَخْلَاقًا»
Lam yakun Rasūlu Allāhi ﷺ fāḥishan wa-lā mutafaḥḥishan, wa-innahu kāna yaqūlu: “Inna khiyārakum aḥāsinukum akhlāqā.”
“Rasoolullah ﷺ was not fahishan (crude, vulgar, indecent), nor did he behave like that, and he used to say: ‘The best of you are the best in character.’”

This is a mirror. If my religion does not improve my character, something is still unfinished in me. If my knowledge makes me arrogant, it has not become wisdom. If my worship does not soften the way I treat the weak, the young, the elderly, the spouse, the child, the worker, or the stranger, then my worship is still asking to become deeper.

Anger Is Human; Surrendering to Anger Is Not Prophetic

Anger may come. The issue is not whether anger visits. The issue is whether anger becomes the ruler.

A man asked Rasoolullah ﷺ for advice:

أَنَّ رَجُلًا قَالَ لِلنَّبِيِّ ﷺ: أَوْصِنِي. قَالَ: «لَا تَغْضَبْ». فَرَدَّدَ مِرَارًا، قَالَ: «لَا تَغْضَبْ»
Anna rajulan qāla li-l-Nabiyyi ﷺ: “Awṣinī.” Qāla: “Lā taghḍab.” Fa-raddada mirāran; qāla: “Lā taghḍab.”
“A man said to the Prophet ﷺ: ‘Advise me.’ He said: ‘Do not become angry.’ The man repeated his request several times, and he ﷺ said: ‘Do not become angry.’”

This does not mean we will never feel anger. Feeling anger is not always within our control. But feeding anger, obeying it, justifying it, and allowing it to become our master—that is what destroys the human being.

Rasoolullah ﷺ also said:

لَيْسَ الشَّدِيدُ بِالصُّرَعَةِ، إِنَّمَا الشَّدِيدُ الَّذِي يَمْلِكُ نَفْسَهُ عِنْدَ الْغَضَبِ
Laysa al-shadīdu bi-l-ṣuraʿati; innamā al-shadīdu alladhī yamliku nafsahu ʿinda al-ghaḍab.
“The strong one is not the one who overpowers others; the strong one is the one who controls himself at the time of anger.”

This changes the meaning of strength.

Strength is not the louder voice, the sharper reply, frightening people into silence, or making everyone in the house walk carefully around one’s mood. Strength is mastery over the nafs when it wants to explode. When a person says, “I shouted because I am only human,” the Sunnah replies: yes, and because you are human, you must learn strength. Maturity is not never feeling heat inside. It is refusing to let that heat burn the house down.

Forgive and Overlook: ʿAfw and Ṣafḥ

The Qur’an uses two powerful words:

الْعَفْوُal-ʿafw: pardon, letting go, wiping away the claim.

الصَّفْحُal-ṣafḥ: overlooking, turning the page, refusing to keep reopening the wound.

Allah says:

وَلْيَعْفُوا۟ وَلْيَصْفَحُوٓا۟
Wa-l-yaʿfū wa-l-yaṣfaḥū.
“Let them pardon and overlook.”

In modern language: “Let it slide.”

This verse was not revealed into a world where no one had hurt anyone. It was revealed into real human pain.

This is why forgiveness is not cheap. Forgiveness is not pretending that the wound did not happen. It is not calling oppression kindness. It is not allowing a person to harm us again and again while we call it sabr. Forgiveness is not the death of boundaries.

وَجَزَٰٓؤُا۟ سَيِّئَةٍۢ سَيِّئَةٌۭ مِّثْلُهَا ۖ فَمَنْ عَفَا وَأَصْلَحَ فَأَجْرُهُۥ عَلَى ٱللَّهِ ۚ إِنَّهُۥ لَا يُحِبُّ ٱلظَّـٰلِمِينَ
Wa-jazāʾu sayyiʾatin sayyiʾatun mithluhā; fa-man ʿafā wa-aṣlaḥa fa-ajruhu ʿalā Allāh. Innahu lā yuḥibbu al-ẓālimīn.
“The recompense of a wrong is its like; but whoever pardons and makes repair, his reward is with Allah. Indeed, He does not love the wrongdoers.”

Notice: pardons and makes repair.

Not pardons and enables corruption. Not pardons and destroys himself. Not pardons and abandons justice where justice is needed.

Allah commands both justice and iḥsān:

إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ يَأْمُرُ بِٱلْعَدْلِ وَٱلْإِحْسَـٰنِ وَإِيتَآئِ ذِى ٱلْقُرْبَىٰ وَيَنْهَىٰ عَنِ ٱلْفَحْشَآءِ وَٱلْمُنكَرِ وَٱلْبَغْىِ ۚ يَعِظُكُمْ لَعَلَّكُمْ تَذَكَّرُونَ
Inna Allāha yaʾmuru bi-l-ʿadli wa-l-iḥsāni wa-ītāʾi dhī al-qurbā wa-yanhā ʿani al-faḥshāʾi wa-l-munkari wa-l-baghy; yaʿiẓukum laʿallakum tadhakkarūn.
“Allah commands justice, iḥsān, and giving to relatives, and He forbids indecency, wrongdoing, and transgression. He instructs you so perhaps you will remember.”

Islam is not sentimental chaos. It is mercy with truth, forgiveness with wisdom, and justice with restraint.

Sometimes forgiving means restoring the relationship. Sometimes it means letting go of hatred while keeping a safe distance. Sometimes it means making duʿā for someone without returning to the same harmful pattern. Sometimes it means handing the matter to Allah because the heart is tired of carrying it.

In every case, the believer must be careful not to make resentment part of the self.

The People Allah Loves

Allah praises:

ٱلَّذِينَ يُنفِقُونَ فِى ٱلسَّرَّآءِ وَٱلضَّرَّآءِ وَٱلْكَـٰظِمِينَ ٱلْغَيْظَ وَٱلْعَافِينَ عَنِ ٱلنَّاسِ ۗ وَٱللَّهُ يُحِبُّ ٱلْمُحْسِنِينَ
Alladhīna yunfiqūna fī al-sarrāʾi wa-l-ḍarrāʾi wa-l-kāẓimīna al-ghayẓa wa-l-ʿāfīna ʿani al-nās; wa-Allāhu yuḥibbu al-muḥsinīn.
“Those who spend in ease and hardship, who restrain anger and pardon people; and Allah loves the muḥsinīn.”

Notice the order.

The Qur’an does not deny anger. It says: restrain it. The Qur’an does not deny that people will hurt us. It says: pardon them. Then it lifts the matter into love: Allah loves the muḥsinīn. Not merely the people who were right, had the sharper argument, or could prove that they were wronged.

Allah loves the people who do what is beautiful before Him.

And Allah says:

وَلَا تَسْتَوِى ٱلْحَسَنَةُ وَلَا ٱلسَّيِّئَةُ ۚ ٱدْفَعْ بِٱلَّتِى هِىَ أَحْسَنُ فَإِذَا ٱلَّذِى بَيْنَكَ وَبَيْنَهُۥ عَدَٰوَةٌۭ كَأَنَّهُۥ وَلِىٌّ حَمِيمٌۭ
Wa-lā tastawī al-ḥasanatu wa-lā al-sayyiʾah; idfaʿ bi-llatī hiya aḥsanu fa-idhā alladhī baynaka wa-baynahu ʿadāwatun ka-annahu waliyyun ḥamīm.
“Goodness and evil are not equal. Repel with what is better, and then the one between whom and you there was enmity may become as though he were a close friend.”

This is one of the most difficult verses to practice. It is easy to repay coldness with coldness and insult with insult. It is easy to give people the version of ourselves they “deserve.” But the Qur’an asks for something higher. It asks us not merely to react, but to respond with Allah in mind.

أَقُولُ قَوْلِي هَٰذَا، وَأَسْتَغْفِرُ اللَّهَ لِي وَلَكُمْ وَلِسَائِرِ الْمُسْلِمِينَ، فَاسْتَغْفِرُوهُ؛ إِنَّهُ هُوَ الْغَفُورُ الرَّحِيمُ.
Aqūlu qawlī hādhā, wa-astaghfiru Allāha lī wa-lakum wa-li-sāʾiri al-muslimīn, fa-staghfirūhu; innahu huwa al-Ghafūru al-Raḥīm.

Second Khutbah

الْحَمْدُ لِلَّهِ رَبِّ الْعَالَمِينَ، وَالصَّلَاةُ وَالسَّلَامُ عَلَىٰ سَيِّدِنَا مُحَمَّدٍ، وَعَلَىٰ آلِهِ وَأَصْحَابِهِ أَجْمَعِينَ.
Al-ḥamdu lillāhi Rabbi al-ʿālamīn, wa-l-ṣalātu wa-l-salāmu ʿalā Sayyidinā Muḥammadin, wa-ʿalā ālihi wa-aṣḥābihi ajmaʿīn.

My dear brothers and sisters,

If there is one thing I want us to take from this khutbah, it is this:

A heart that wants Allah’s forgiveness cannot afford to withhold forgiveness from others.

Rasoolullah ﷺ said:

لَا يُؤْمِنُ أَحَدُكُمْ حَتَّى يُحِبَّ لِأَخِيهِ مَا يُحِبُّ لِنَفْسِهِ
Lā yuʾminu aḥadukum ḥattā yuḥibba li-akhīhi mā yuḥibbu li-nafsih.
“None of you truly believes until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself.”

What do I love for myself?

I love to be understood. I love to be forgiven. I love for my worst moment not to become my whole identity. I love for Allah to cover my faults. I love for people to remember my good and not only my failure. Being human, then, means that I must try to give others some of what I ask for myself.

This does not mean all behavior is acceptable. It does not mean we lose discernment or that the wound is imaginary. But it does mean that the heart of a believer cannot be built on selfishness.

Rasoolullah ﷺ said:

يَا عَائِشَةُ، إِنَّ اللَّهَ رَفِيقٌ يُحِبُّ الرِّفْقَ، وَيُعْطِي عَلَى الرِّفْقِ مَا لَا يُعْطِي عَلَى الْعُنْفِ، وَمَا لَا يُعْطِي عَلَى مَا سِوَاهُ
Yā ʿĀʾishatu, inna Allāha rafīqun yuḥibbu al-rifqa wa-yuʿṭī ʿalā al-rifqi mā lā yuʿṭī ʿalā al-ʿunfi wa-mā lā yuʿṭī ʿalā mā siwāh.
“O ʿĀ’ishah, Allah is Gentle and loves gentleness. He gives for gentleness what He does not give for harshness, and what He does not give for anything else.”

This hadith should enter our homes.

Allah loves gentleness. Not humiliation. Not sarcasm. Not constant correction. Not emotional roughness. Not feeling superior to others or judging them for their faults. Not using religion to crush another person’s heart.

Gentleness is not weakness. Gentleness is disciplined strength. It is the ability to handle a soul without bruising it unnecessarily.

And Rasoolullah ﷺ said:

مَنْ لَا يَرْحَمُ لَا يُرْحَمُ
Man lā yarḥam lā yurḥam.
“Whoever does not show mercy will not be shown mercy.”

To me, this is frightening.

We ask Allah for mercy every day. But what mercy do we show—to children, students, spouses, parents, workers, those slower than us, those who disappoint us, and those whose wounds make them difficult?

The human being, الْإِنْسَانُ, is meant to be a place of uns, not waḥshah—comfort, not estrangement. A person should feel more at ease after meeting us, not more wounded.

Forgive and Forget?

People often say, “Forgive and forget.”

But the human mind is not a machine from which memories can simply be deleted. The Qur’an is not asking us to pretend. So what should we forget?

We should forget the desire to punish, the pleasure of replaying the wound, the need to mention the mistake again and again after it has been repaired, and the false sweetness of resentment.

And what should we remember?

We should remember Allah. We should remember our own sins. We should remember that we, too, need forgiveness; that the heart will meet Allah; and that pride is a dangerous burden to carry into the grave.

The human being often does the opposite. He forgets Allah and remembers the injury. That is nisyān in the wrong direction. The Qur’an calls him back.

The Best Sinners Are Those Who Return

Rasoolullah ﷺ said:

كُلُّ بَنِي آدَمَ خَطَّاءٌ، وَخَيْرُ الْخَطَّائِينَ التَّوَّابُونَ
Kullu banī Ādama khaṭṭāʾun, wa-khayru al-khaṭṭāʾīna al-tawwābūn.
“Every child of Adam makes mistakes, and the best of those who make mistakes are those who repent.”

This hadith does not glorify sin. It glorifies tawbah. The best are not those who pretend they never fall. The best are those who return quickly, honestly, and repeatedly.

If I become angry, I should repent. If I wound someone, I should apologize. If I carry resentment, I should ask Allah to cleanse it. If I cannot yet forgive fully today, I should at least stop feeding the hatred. If I cannot yet love, I should at least stop poisoning the heart. If I cannot embrace, I should at least make duʿā.

This, too, is a beginning.

A Final Reflection

There is a kind of religiousness that can speak of Allah but remain harsh with people. It can quote Qur’an but refuse to forgive. It can defend the Sunnah but ignore the tenderness of Rasoolullah ﷺ. It can speak of truth while losing beauty. It can demand mercy from Allah while offering severity to everyone else.

This is not the fullness of being insān. The true insān remembers that he is weak, so he does not become arrogant. He remembers that he forgets, so he keeps returning to dhikr. He remembers that he sins, so he makes tawbah. He remembers that he needs forgiveness, so he forgives. He remembers that Allah is Gentle, so he becomes gentle. He remembers that Allah is Merciful, so he shows mercy. He remembers that Allah honored the children of Adam, so he does not humiliate them.

“I am only human” should not be a shield for the nafs. It should be a doorway to humility.

Yes, I am human.

I forget. I become weak. I become hasty. I become anxious. I become wounded.

But I am also honored by Allah.

I am guided by revelation. I am taught by Rasoolullah ﷺ. I am invited to taqwa. I am capable of tawbah. I am capable of ʿafw. I am capable of ṣafḥ. I am capable of becoming a source of uns, not waḥshah—comfort, not estrangement.

So the next time anger says, “I am only human,” let the heart answer:

Then be human in the way Allah intended.

Be the human who remembers. Be the human who repents. Be the human who restrains anger. Be the human who forgives. Be the human who loves for others what he loves for himself. Be the human through whom another heart feels safe.

And when the nafs asks, “How often must I forgive?” let the answer of my Shaykh return:

“As often as you want Allah to forgive you.”
اللَّهُمَّ اغْفِرْ لَنَا وَلِإِخْوَانِنَا، وَطَهِّرْ قُلُوبَنَا مِنَ الْغِلِّ، وَاجْعَلْنَا مِنَ الْعَافِينَ عَنِ النَّاسِ، وَمِنَ الْمُحْسِنِينَ الَّذِينَ تُحِبُّهُمْ.
Allāhumma ighfir lanā wa-li-ikhwāninā, wa-ṭahhir qulūbanā mina al-ghilli, wa-jʿalnā mina al-ʿāfīna ʿani al-nāsi, wa-mina al-muḥsinīna alladhīna tuḥibbuhum.
O Allah, forgive us and our brothers and sisters. Purify our hearts from resentment. Make us among those who pardon people, and among the people of beautiful conduct whom You love.
اللَّهُمَّ اجْعَلْ بُيُوتَنَا بُيُوتَ رِفْقٍ، وَأَلْسِنَتَنَا أَلْسِنَةَ صِدْقٍ، وَقُلُوبَنَا قُلُوبَ رَحْمَةٍ، وَأَخْلَاقَنَا أَخْلَاقًا تُرْضِيكَ عَنَّا.
Allāhumma ijʿal buyūtanā buyūta rifqin, wa-alsinatanā alsinata ṣidqin, wa-qulūbanā qulūba raḥmatin, wa-akhlāqanā akhlāqan turḍīka ʿannā.
O Allah, make our homes homes of gentleness, our tongues tongues of truth, our hearts hearts of mercy, and our character pleasing to You.
آمِينَ يَا رَبَّ الْعَالَمِينَ.
Āmīn yā Rabba al-ʿālamīn.
وَاللَّهُ أَعْلَمُ.
Wa-Allāhu aʿlam.